You watch them late at night. They sell the promise of wealth and happiness all for 4 easy payments of $19.95. Maybe they’ve even convinced you to fork over your hard earned cash for merchandise that brandishes the highly esteemed badge of quality: “As Seen on TV”.

You know you love them, now let’s take a look at the top 7 infomercial pitch-people of all time!

7. John and Greg Rice

They’re short people… and their selling REAL ESTATE!! What can be more awesome than that?

7. Tony Little

Now honestly, who else can sell something as patently ridiculous as the Gazelle… and yet do it with grace in a such a totally non-homosexual way.

5.Chef Tony

What’s this… another Tony??? Every thing about Chef Tony screams “SACRE BLEU”… he’s a French stereotype without the attitude and accent. But for some reason I can’t stop watching him cut wood with those knives… DON’T YOU GET IT PEOPLE – HE’S CUTTING WOOD WITH A STEAK KNIFE!!!

Next time I have to slice through a pineapple in mid-air… I’m calling Chef Tony.

4. Vince Offer

When Vince only had one national campaign under his belt (Sham-Wow) you could have easily dismissed him as another fast talking pitchman with a New York attitude (“’cause we can’t do this all day”) But with the Slap Chop… it’s clear that Vince is here to stay! May we enjoy his antics for years to come – so long as he doesn’t succumb to a debilitating cocaine habit!

The original Sham-WOW ad:

3. Jerry Carroll: Crazy Eddie

Okay, technically not a infomercial spokesperson in the traditional sense, but the Crazy Eddie ads were one of the pioneers of fast talking, barker-style television pitchmen. Too bad the real Crazy Eddie was really crazy – he ended up spending 8 years in prison for fraud.

2. Billy Mays

Billy Mays has to be my personal favorite pitchman. The only thing I’ve ever bought from Billy is Orange Clean… I think I still have it somewhere, still 2/3rds full I believe.

I think it’s his beard – it’s like a magnet for the soul. It draws you in, like the Calypso, singing songs of easy cleaning. Quickly you’re under it’s trance – you find yourself sipping sweet Camille Tea while Billy Mays’ Beard is rubbing your sore feet and pixies dance just out of range of your lustful grasp. If only you could grab that damn pixie – Jerry Bruckheimer would return your phone calls (it’s totally not stalking). Damn it Billy Mays’ Beard – what have you brought upon us?

Cause I love Billy Mays, here’s one more. A fan creation of a Billy Mays Rap… something I used to do for fun back in college.

and

Drum Roll please…

1. Ron Popeil

C’mon, did you really think I could pick anyone else?

You have to give it up for Ron Popeil. No one, absolutely no one, has done more to establish infomercial customs and language than Ron Popeil – and who doesn’t have a Ronco Product in the pantry somewhere. Mine is the Ronco food dehydrator… I’m still trying to pluck dried persimmon out of my teeth.

He was even pitching spray on hair! The man can sell anything.

You’re not going to pay $500, not $400, not $300… not $200, $150, or even $100… it’s yours for just three easy payments of $43.99.

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