Who Else, a comedy short

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Avatar of John P. Hess John P. Hess 1 year, 5 months ago.

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  • Hey Guys,

    This is the last short I made, wouldn’t mind some feedback on the story, pacing, etc.

    Appreciate the feedback!
    Thanks!

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Avatar of John P. Hess John P. Hess. Reason: Corrected formating - just paste in the youtube address and the video with embed
    • This topic was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Avatar of Sebastian A. Salazar Sebastian A. Salazar. Reason: added thx
    • This topic was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Avatar of Sebastian A. Salazar Sebastian A. Salazar. Reason: fixed link html

    Sorry for the confusion – all you have to do is just paste the address… that’s all.

    I’ve got a shoot to get ready for but I’ll check out your film and give you feedback when I get back in :)

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Avatar of John P. Hess John P. Hess.

    Sorry for the confusion – all you have to do is just paste the address… that’s all.

    I’ve got a shoot to get ready for but I’ll check out your film and give you feedback when I get back in :)

    No problem, I think we were both editing the post at the same time, thanks for the forum to post stuff, great idea!

    Okay so I finally got around to watching it.

    First off let me say there are some really funny ideas here. My favorite is the “Janitorial experience? I have plenty. Where? My house” :)

    Pacing is definitely one of the things you want to work on. Now this opinion is based on the actors that I work with but I would have shot these more as master 2 shots and create the pacing using the actors and how they react to each other. You may not have as skilled as actors but I feel like you’re trying to push the pacing through the edit and its making it feel even more awkward and forced.

    Walter Murch has 6 rules to ask yourself when making a cut. You should only cut if it advances the:

    1) Emotion
    2) Story
    3) Rhythm
    4) Eye-trace
    5) Two-dimensional plane of Screen
    6) Three-dimensional space of action

    http://filmmakeriq.com/2011/11/editing-the-rule-of-six/

    Part of that is your script. Like I said, there’s some golden ideas in there – but you need to punch them up for a comedy – there needs to be more “playfulness” in the interactions – a lot of the scenes have a utilitarian feel that make them feel longer than they need to be.

    An example:
    “Can I ask you a favor”
    “Depends”
    “If I gave you let’s say $30, would you go away”

    Cut out “Can I ask you a favor” and “Depends” – they’re unnecessary to the scene – jump in quicker to what the scene is about.

    Keep at it – just focus on tightening the script, simplifying the editing and tightening the actor’s rhythms and you’ll be heading in a good direction.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Avatar of John P. Hess John P. Hess. Reason: Fixed "Robert Murch" to "Walter Murch" because Scott notices those kinds of details :P
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