Filmmaker IQ (which also goes by the aliases Who?, FilmmakerIQ.com and FIQ to evade debt collectors) is worshiped by no less than five monotheistic religions on Earth despite their petulant childish behavior, persistent meddling in the space-time continuum, and clear bipolar disorder. FIQ is the largest black hole of film knowledge in the universe. With over 3.4 billion courses on a subjects such as, Ways to successfully acquire both arm rests at a movie theater, Snuff Films, Why do all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent? and Martin Scorsese’s Eyebrows. FIQ’s video lectures are hailed by teachers everywhere who are too lazy to design lesson plans and/or were out drinking late the night before and need some time to sleep during class. However, due to the lack of dorky references to science fiction or comic book jargon, that only 13 year old boys understand, this site is read by a very few people.
It was first argued by professor of archaeology Dr. Henry Walton Jones Jr., in 1936, that Filmmaker IQ originated during the Format Wars, in or around One Million B.C., at the battle of Endor. Emmett Lathrop Brown, Ph.D., in 1955, argued that FIQ is nothing more than an illusion of volition caused by certain random patterns appearing in complex chaotic systems (e.g., weather systems, stock markets, D.C. Comics movie plots). In recent years, the celebrated reality TV star and loan shark, Rick Harrison was unable to authenticate its date of origin. However, he has a buddy he can call to see what we are dealing with.
Just the good ol’ boys,
Never meanin’ no harm,
Beats all you’ve ever saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.
Straight’nin’ the curve,
Flat’nin’ the hills.
Someday the mountain might get ’em, but the law never will.
Makin’ their way,
The only way they know how,
That’s just a little bit more than the law will allow.
Just good ol’ boys,
Wouldn’t change if they could,
Fightin’ the system like a true modern day Robin Hood.
Filmmaker IQ is a fully self-accredited Internet-based school. It’s professional graduate schools offer degrees in the following professions; Honeywagon Technician, Coffee Wrangler, Personal scratcher to Mr. John Goodman, Hornet Groomer, Understudy to big Kool-Aid pitcher, Original Darren on “Bewitched” and Rodeo Clown. These are consistently not ranked by US News & World Report in the Top 10 programs in the United States, nor in the Top 1000 worldwide. However, the school is proud to report that their authentic looking degrees can easily be printed from the comfort of your home, away from the prying eyes of Government Regulatory Agencies.
Filmmaker IQ endeavours to provide advanced degrees to the mentally and financially underprivileged — namely those persons who were too dim to be matriculated by a reel college or university, and whose parents were too poor to build a new engineering building or add a wing to the campus library. Prospective students must establish that they meet the criteria for intellectual and economic poverty. Acceptable documentation is usually comprised of failing transcripts, expulsion letters or Congressional articles of impeachment. Those persons not having ever attended a college or university can provide proof of equivalent stupidity, naiveté, poor judgment, or laziness by submitting a work portfolio detailing a minimum of 5 years of experience in the fast food industry.
As FIQ is not a brick and mortar institution, no student dormitories are provided. Temporary housing may be provided on a nightly basis via your Tinder app. For our less attractive students, during temperate weather, bridges, parks, alleyways and fire escapes provide adequate shelter, though the more nomadic and adventuresome student may appreciate the flexibility and portability of an appliance box. For autumn and winter attendees, FIQ recommends friends and relatives as an excellent source of housing for low to no cost.
FIQ highly encourages its students to avail themselves of public library facilities in their local area. These provide the Internet access, clean washrooms, and comfortable chairs which our students have come to expect of an institution of this magnitude.
More than 36 billion alumni have graduated from Filmmaker IQ as of 2024. Among the most notable alumni are; Roscoe Dexter, Jack Horner, Damien Cockburn, Adam Kesher, Harry Zimm, Robert K. Bowfinger, Max Bialystock, Guido Anselmi, Joe Gillis, Buddy Bizarre and Alan Smithee.
In Popular Culture
FIQ is rumored to be the inspiration for the song “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon.
Walker, Texas Ranger – Episode: One Riot, One Ranger (1993). In this pilot episode, a group of men terrorises a circus family who camp out at Walker’s home. This is a loose retelling of the abuse FIQ founders received from MySpace moderators prior to establishing this fine site you see today.
It is said Frank Sinatra was discovered by bandleader Harry Johnson while singing at FIQ’s private cabaret in the frontier town of Rock Ridge in 1874.
FIQ is parodied by many for-profit schools, including Full Sail University, New York Film Academy and LA Film School.
According to The New York Times,
Full Sail FIQ has many of the same problems as other institutions in the for-profit college industry. They reported that some of the university’s academic programs have high loan burdens and low graduation rates. The $81,000 video game art program graduated 38 percent of its students, who carried a median debt load of nearly $59,000 in federal and private loans in 2008. According to Inside Higher Ed, “a closer look at the numbers reveals that graduation rates are not a major problem at Full Sail FIQ: the overall graduation rate is a fairly high 78 percent, according to federal data.”In the same article, however, The New York Times noted that Full Sail’s FIQ’s own students have posted criticisms of the school, including some that call Full Sail FIQ a “scam” because of its high costs, low placement, and difficulties with credit transfer.